“Baby Reindeer” is a hit Netflix series that is sparking a nuanced conversation about mental health. The show tells the tale of struggling comedian Donny Dunn and his stalker, Martha, but it’s not your typical stalker story. Creator Richard Gadd based the story off his real experiences and deliberately tried to break away from previous pop culture depictions of stalking. The series takes viewers on an intense psychological journey, unpacking Martha’s unhealthy obsession with Donny and the role he plays in encouraging her. The portrayal of trauma in the show has been praised as realistic and accurate by therapist Avigail Lev, Psy.D., who lauded the series for its nuanced and accurate depiction.
After watching “Baby Reindeer,” Lev says she would diagnose the fictional Martha with two conditions: erotomania and borderline personality disorder. Erotomania is a delusional disorder where the person believes that someone of higher status or a public figure is in love with them, even when presented with evidence to the contrary. Martha also exhibits signs of borderline personality disorder, characterized by her black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking, and inability to manage her emotions and impulses. Lev notes that Martha’s confession of her crimes at the end of the series indicates she does not suffer from a psychotic disorder like schizophrenia, but rather a personality disorder or delusional disorder.
Donny’s diagnosis isn’t as clear cut as Martha’s. Throughout the series, he struggles with confidence and sexual identity after being raped by a former mentor. Lev suspects that Donny has post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) considering his ongoing reactions to traumatic events in his life. She also brings up Stockholm syndrome when speaking about Donny, a psychological response where hostages or abuse victims develop a bond with their captors or abusers. Donny could also be trauma bonding with Martha, becoming increasingly dependent on her to alleviate the suffering she caused. This cycle is challenging to break and is vividly portrayed in the show, a frequent occurrence among victims of narcissistic abuse.
For those who encounter someone like Martha in real life, therapist Avigail Lev has a few tips for navigating the complexities that come along with these psychological conditions. She suggests ignoring the abuser completely if possible, gathering evidence such as recording videos and maintaining a paper trail, informing the stalker through written communication that their behavior won’t be tolerated, and outlining consequences including contacting the authorities and obtaining a restraining order. The final step is to completely disengage, adopting methods like the “gray rock” technique, which involves being uninteresting and unresponsive to minimize interaction. This can help create boundaries and protect oneself from further harm.
