The song “I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)” by Taylor Swift explores the phenomenon of wanting to fix or change someone in a relationship. Many people have experienced the urge to be someone’s “savior,” believing they have the answers to fix them. This desire can stem from a sense of deriving value from helping others or a need for control in chaotic or unstable environments. However, therapists warn that trying to fix someone is not only ineffective but can also be harmful, creating an unhealthy dynamic and leading to an abandonment of self.
Instead of trying to fix someone, therapists recommend engaging in self-reflection to understand why the urge to fix exists and to identify personal needs. It is important to remind oneself of what a good, healthy relationship looks like and to support the person’s desire to change. True change must come from within, and while it is not the fixer’s responsibility to change someone, they can provide a safe space for sharing emotions and support in proposed solutions. Additionally, focusing on self-love and self-care is crucial for fixers who are not used to prioritizing their own needs.
Creating a strong support system is also essential for those looking to break away from the fixer dynamic. Setting boundaries and upholding them can be challenging, but having a network of friends, family, or a therapist to lean on can make the process easier. Professional help can be beneficial in uncovering the underlying reasons for fixer behavior and addressing the root cause of the pattern. Couples counseling may also be an option for those looking to improve their relationships and navigate the dynamics of fixing and being fixed.
In the end, it is important to recognize that people cannot be fixed by others, and change must come from within. Letting go of the need to fix someone can be freeing and allow for more authentic and healthy relationships. As Taylor Swift sings, “I can fix him, no, really I can … Whoa, maybe I can’t,” emphasizing the realization that true change and growth cannot be forced upon others.
