Family secrets are a common occurrence, often stemming from fear, shame, self-protection, or love. The author’s family, specifically her father, kept a secret for nearly a decade after he was diagnosed with HIV in 1985 following a blood transfusion during surgery. At the time, contracting HIV was considered a death sentence, and the stigma surrounding the disease was prevalent. People diagnosed with HIV were often ostracized, leading to loss of jobs and support. The evangelical Christian community also contributed to the stigma by claiming AIDS was a punishment from God for sinful behavior.
The author’s father, a devout Christian and accomplished physician, struggled with the diagnosis and the societal views around HIV. He chose to keep his illness a secret to protect his family from potential ostracism. Despite his illness, he continued to live a relatively normal life, hiding his suffering behind a facade of normalcy. The author, as a teenager, grappled with the knowledge of her father’s diagnosis and the fear and isolation it brought, as society was uneducated and fearful of those with HIV/AIDS.
Two years before his death, the author’s father began writing a book about his experience living with HIV/AIDS, with the support of her mother. The book was published in 1995, six months before his passing, breaking the silence around their family secret. Although the book received positive feedback and support, the author and her family continued to keep the contents of the book largely unspoken within their family circle. The author felt the weight of the silence and secrecy, carrying it for more than two decades until she could no longer bear the burden.
Following years of silence and pretending, the author sought therapy and started writing to confront the emotions and trauma buried within her. Through the process of writing and therapy, she found a way to break the barrier of silence and shame, ultimately allowing her to be her true self. Her path to processing and finding meaning in her family’s experience has led her to share her story with others, hoping to connect and provide support for those carrying unspoken burdens of their own.
The author’s mother and brothers found different ways to cope and give back following their father’s death. Her brothers pursued careers in medicine, carrying on their father’s legacy of caring for others, while her mother became a family therapist, offering support and companionship to those facing difficult circumstances. The author now speaks openly about her family’s experience, sharing her story with confidence and authenticity, in the hopes of helping others put down their own unspoken burdens. Through her writing and speaking engagements, she aims to provide a sense of connection and support for those facing similar challenges.
