The author reflects on her tumultuous relationship with her father, a high school art teacher who struggled with depression throughout his life. As a child, she often felt like a nuisance to him and struggled to understand why. She also faced rejection from her peers at school, further adding to her feelings of inadequacy. In her early adulthood, she acted out seeking attention, but her parents were unable to see her cries for help. This led to a strained relationship with her father and a deep sense of self-hatred.
As the author grew older, she sought therapy in an attempt to understand her father’s behavior and the underlying issues in their relationship. Through conversations with her mother and later her father, she began to piece together the puzzle of his struggles with depression and undiagnosed ADHD. Her father’s depression began at a young age and worsened over the years, despite trying various treatments. He finally received an ADHD diagnosis in his 50s, which shed light on many of his past struggles.
The author herself sought a diagnosis of ADHD in her 50s, after years of feeling like she didn’t quite fit in and struggling with emotions she couldn’t control. She discovered that many women with ADHD go undiagnosed due to differing symptoms from men. Understanding her own diagnosis shed light on her father’s struggles and helped her come to terms with their difficult relationship. The author now realizes that her father’s behavior was not a result of not loving her, but rather a manifestation of his own struggles with mental health.
Through therapy and self-reflection, the author has come to terms with her father’s illness and their complex relationship. She now sees moments of magic and love in their shared memories, such as her father lifting her in the air and spinning her around, a moment where she felt cherished and special. Despite the difficult years of misunderstanding and hurt, the author has found peace and understanding in their shared journey of mental health struggles and finding a sense of self-worth.
The importance of understanding mental health and seeking help is highlighted in the author’s story. She emphasizes the impact of undiagnosed ADHD and depression on individuals and their relationships, and the need for early intervention and support. By sharing her experiences, the author hopes to raise awareness and encourage others to seek help for their own struggles. She has found healing and acceptance in knowing the truth about her father’s struggles and her own journey towards self-discovery.
The author is currently working on a memoir that delves into her family’s history of mental illness and the impact it has had on her life. Through her writing, she seeks to explore the complexities of family dynamics, mental health, and the search for truth and acceptance. Her story serves as a reminder of the importance of compassion, understanding, and seeking help for mental health issues, and the power of self-reflection and healing.
