Fifteen years ago, a woman moved 3,000 miles away from her hometown with her husband. She didn’t feel at home in the new city but tried to adjust to the change. Financial struggles due to the recession and a large mortgage added to her stress. She made only one friend, “Gayle,” who she tried to maintain a connection with after convincing her husband to move again for financial security. However, Gayle only responds to her messages briefly and does not reciprocate reaching out. The woman is concerned about Gayle’s well-being, but feels drained from putting in all the effort in the friendship.
The advice given is that some relationships are situational, and it may be time for the woman to focus on making new connections in her current community rather than holding on to ones that are no longer fulfilling. It’s suggested that she may be idealizing her old hometown, and that visiting it may not provide the comfort she seeks if she finds that things have changed. By engaging in new activities, she may be able to build new relationships and potentially form new friendships that are more meaningful and reciprocal.
In another letter, a woman expresses discomfort over two of her nieces naming their babies after their grandfather, who was an abusive alcoholic. The woman has a past with the grandfather involving abuse, which makes hearing the baby’s name triggering for her. She and her sister, who also noticed the discomfort, have been referring to the baby as “Baby” instead of using the given name. The advice given is to explain the situation to the family members and potentially seek counseling to work through the unresolved trauma related to the abuse from the grandfather.
Dear Abby, written by Abigail Van Buren, suggests addressing the issue directly with the family members involved and explaining the reason behind not using the grandfather’s name for the baby. By creating a nickname and being open about the discomfort, the woman and her sister can navigate the situation without causing a rift in the family. Seeking counseling for the abuse experienced may also be beneficial in processing the trauma and moving forward in a healthier way.
The woman expressing her feelings of loneliness and disconnection from her friend Gayle in a new city reflects the challenges of maintaining long-distance friendships. Even though she has tried to reach out and stay connected, the lack of effort from the other party indicates that it may be time to prioritize building new relationships in her current environment. By being open to new activities and friendships, she may find the sense of belonging and companionship she is seeking, without feeling the strain of trying to sustain a one-sided connection.
