Modern dating term, “pocketing,” refers to when one partner in a relationship avoids introducing their significant other to their friends, family, or social circles, essentially keeping the relationship hidden. This behavior can lead to feelings of insecurity, confusion, and uncertainty for the person being pocketed, impacting their emotional well-being and trust in the relationship. Research shows that a lack of trust can exacerbate emotional instability and conflict within the relationship.
There are three main reasons why people engage in relationship pocketing. One reason is a fear of rejection, stemming from concerns about how their partner will be perceived by their social circles. Individuals may avoid introducing their partner to avoid potential disapproval or judgment from others. Relationship pocketing can also occur when individuals are uncertain of how their partner will feel about their friends and loved ones, projecting their insecurities and fears onto the relationship to protect their self-esteem.
Another reason for pocketing is struggling with relationship ambivalence and uncertainty about the future of the relationship. Doubts about compatibility, unresolved personal issues, and concerns about the longevity of the relationship can contribute to this behavior. Research shows that experiencing relationship ambivalence is associated with lower personal and relational well-being, causing an ongoing internal conflict and ambiguity in the relationship. The fear of commitment and vulnerability can also play a role in maintaining a sense of independence through pocketing.
For those experiencing pocketing, it is important to communicate openly with their partner about their concerns before jumping to conclusions. A candid discussion can provide clarity and potentially resolve misunderstandings. However, if the avoidance behavior persists with no changes in sight, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. Engaging in self-reflection to understand the underlying reasons for this behavior can help foster a healthier, more transparent relationship dynamic.
Ultimately, everyone deserves to be celebrated and acknowledged in their relationships. Whether you are being pocketed or pocketing someone, open communication and introspection are key to building a strong, loving, and fulfilling partnership. It is important to address personal insecurities and relationship uncertainties in order to create a more transparent and healthy relationship dynamic. If pocketing is making you feel a lack of control over what happens in your relationship, it may be helpful to take a Relationship Control Scale test for further insight.
