First Lady Jill Biden and President Joe Biden have been known to engage in arguments over text messages in order to avoid fighting in front of the Secret Service. This habit, dubbed “fexting,” allows couples to maintain a level of connection while giving them space to express themselves thoughtfully. Therapists have noted that fexting can be beneficial for introverts, as it offers a way to think through arguments before responding and allows individuals to calm down before reacting in the heat of the moment.
Fexting is also common among couples with children, as it allows them to avoid arguing in front of their kids. Additionally, friends and family members often use text messages to resolve conflicts, with some preferring to have heavy discussions over texts rather than in person. Fexting can also be a useful tool for parents to communicate with their teenage children, who may struggle with verbally expressing their thoughts and feelings.
Although fexting can be helpful in certain situations, there are also drawbacks to communicating serious issues over text. Miscommunication, misinterpretation, and active avoidance of texts can exacerbate conflicts and lead to misunderstandings. Skilled communicators may manipulate others over text, while unskilled communicators with good intentions can often be misunderstood. Tone and emotional nuances are often lost in text messages, leading to additional challenges in resolving conflicts effectively.
Therapists recommend strategies for making text arguments more effective and civil, such as asking permission before engaging in a discussion over text, using emojis to convey tone and emotions, and avoiding surprise attacks or long opening texts. Individuals with avoidant tendencies or slow response times should consider avoiding text arguments and opt for in-person conversations instead. It is important to recognize that some people feel more comfortable expressing themselves through writing and to use “I” language instead of “you” language to avoid blaming the other person.
While texting can be a convenient way to communicate, especially for expressing affection or addressing logistical matters, therapists generally advise against using text messages for serious or heated discussions. Serious messages sent in anger can be misconstrued and may have lasting consequences on the relationship. Ultimately, face-to-face conversations are often necessary for resolving conflicts and conveying emotions effectively through body language and tone of voice. By following these strategies, individuals can navigate text arguments more successfully and work towards resolving conflicts in a healthy manner.
