Edward Thomas Ryan’s obituary, published in The Times Union of Albany, N.Y., revealed a surprising personal detail about his life. Despite living as a private man, the obituary disclosed that Ryan had been gay his entire life and was in a loving relationship with a man for 25 years. He expressed regret for not having the courage to come out earlier due to fear of ostracism from family, friends, and colleagues. This revelation sparked a wave of online tributes, with many expressing gratitude for Ryan’s service and regret that he felt he couldn’t live authentically.
Ryan’s niece, Linda Sargent, and her husband were aware of his sexual orientation prior to his death, as he had mentioned his long-term partner to them in the past. They supported his decision to come out in the obituary and believed it would have empowered him had he done so earlier. Another niece, Kelly Blue, was unaware of the obituary’s contents before publication but expressed happiness that Ryan had shared his truth before passing away. Born in 1938, Ryan came of age during a time when living openly as a gay man was fraught with challenges and discrimination, which likely contributed to his decision to keep his sexuality hidden.
Throughout his life, Ryan held various roles, including serving in the Army, working as a firefighter, and being a chef at the local American Legion post. He was known for his community service and received recognition for volunteering to cook for emergency workers after the September 11 attacks. Close friends and colleagues described him as a friendly, helpful individual who was always willing to lend a hand to those in need. Despite assumptions about his sexuality by those close to him, Ryan never openly discussed it, reflecting the societal attitudes of the era in which he lived.
Ryan’s decision to come out in his obituary shed light on the challenges faced by gay individuals during his lifetime, particularly in relation to serving in the military. The “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy enacted in 1993 prohibited openly gay individuals from serving in the military, causing many like Ryan to keep their sexuality hidden. While societal attitudes have shifted over time, the fear of judgment and discrimination likely influenced Ryan’s decision to conceal his sexual orientation. His final message in the obituary, “Now that my secret is known, I’ll forever Rest in Peace,” reflects a sense of closure and peace that he may have found in revealing his true self to the world.
Despite the challenges he faced, Ryan’s legacy lives on through his service to his community and his decision to share his truth in the end. His friends and family remember him as a kind, dedicated individual who made a positive impact on those around him. By coming out in his obituary, Ryan has left a lasting mark on those who knew him and those who only learned of his life after his passing. His story serves as a reminder of the importance of living authentically and the impact of societal attitudes on individuals’ ability to do so.
