Ellie Anderson, an assistant professor of philosophy, coined the term “hermeneutic labor” to describe the emotional work that women often do in trying to decipher men’s often unclear communication. This labor involves interpreting one’s own feelings, interpreting the other person’s feelings and intentions, and comparing and contrasting both sets of emotions for conflict resolution. Anderson’s theory falls under the larger concept of emotional labor, which involves managing nearly everything at home, often falling on women’s shoulders, and suppressing negative emotions around such tasks.
Research shows that women often engage in hermeneutic labor in hetero- and cisgender relationships, as they try to decode men’s feelings and intentions through minimal communication and nonverbal cues. Therapists have observed this labor in their clients, particularly in cases where women find themselves putting in a lot of effort to understand emotionally distant partners. While this labor can strengthen communication in relationships, it’s important for men to appreciate and not just expect this effort from their partners.
Therapists offer advice on how to improve communication when hermeneutic labor becomes a problem in relationships. They suggest asking for clarity, both for the partner who tends to read minds and for the one who struggles to communicate openly. Clear communication is a skill that requires practice and development, with room for improvement for everyone. Therapists also recommend acknowledging and appreciating quality communication in relationships, as this can lead to a more balanced dynamic.
While analyzing texts with friends can be a lighthearted way of bonding, therapists caution against letting hermeneutic labor become a source of confusion or conflict. If one partner is constantly decoding the other’s emotions, it’s important to address this imbalance to ensure effective communication. Refusing to engage in the deciphering game or seeking clarification when needed can help prevent misunderstandings and promote healthier communication habits in relationships. Ultimately, the goal is to create an environment where both partners feel comfortable expressing themselves openly and honestly.
