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Alec Baldwin revealed he was diagnosed with PTSD after the fatal “Rust” shooting.
The “30 Rock” alum reflected on the accidental death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins in the premiere episode his family’s new TLC reality series, “The Baldwins.”
“He was diagnosed with PTSD, and he says in his darkest moments, ‘If an accident had to have happened this day, why am I still here? Why couldn’t it have been me?’” his wife, Hilaria Baldwin, said, according to People.
Speaking to her husband, she added, “You wake up in the morning and you’re like, ‘Oh god, why did I wake up?’”
Alec, 66, also recalled struggling to explain to a friend how he was doing.
“I said, ‘I’m happier when I’m asleep than when I’m awake,’” the actor admitted in the episode, which debuts Feb. 23.
The “It’s Complicated” star described the experience as “surreal” to his wife, saying, “I can’t even believe that we’re going through this.”
He further told Hilaria, “I always feel more in pain about you than me, because I think to myself, well, you know, I’m going to try to my best to just get through it, and I think what it’s done to you and how much it’s hurt you and everything.”
“This past year was just terrible,” Alec added in a confessional. “There were times I’d lay in bed, I’d go, ‘Wow, my kids. I can’t get up.’ That’s not like me. I’m not like that at all, not in any way am I like that. Never.”
But the couple credited their children for being a source of happiness amid the turmoil.
“I look at the kids, and I see how hard we’re trying to create happy for them, even if we’re masking stuff for ourselves,” Hilaria, 41, said.
“I know that what we’re going through is maybe unique, but every family goes through hard times, and that’s something that we can feel a community of support, knowing that the best that we can do is do our best and try to make our kids happy, and so that’s what we’re doing.”
Alec agreed with his wife, saying, “Honestly, from the bottom of my soul, I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you and these kids going through this. I never would have made it with this. Sometimes I’d say, ‘Why did I have seven kids? Why do we have seven kids?’ And I realize, to help carry me and you through this situation.”
The couple’s seven children include daughters Ilaria Catalina Irena, 2, María Lucía Victoria, 3, and Carmen Gabriela, 11, and sons Eduardo “Edu” Pao Lucas, 4, Romeo Alejandro David, 6, Leonardo Ángel Charles, 7, and Rafael Thomas, 9.
The Emmy winner also shares daughter Ireland Baldwin with his ex-wife, Kim Basinger.
Hutchins was shot and killed on Oct. 21, 2021, after a prop gun Alec was holding went off on the set of the Western film “Rust.”
The actor, who was charged with involuntary manslaughter, pleaded not guilty.
Alec has maintained his innocence, claiming he did not pull the trigger and was unaware that the gun was loaded with real ammunition instead of dummy rounds.
His case was dismissed in July 2024.
