Erin Spahr, a licensed therapist, raised the question about whether men are equipped to handle modern relationships in a viral Instagram video. She pointed out the imbalance in many marriages, particularly the emotional and mental load carried by women, and called for men to develop skills such as empathy and communication. Spahr emphasized that women today want equal partners who share the responsibilities of parenting and domestic labor, not just someone who brings home a paycheck. Her video has sparked a conversation among women, with many agreeing that men need to catch up in terms of emotional intelligence.
Spahr, who has over a decade of experience working with couples, highlighted the emotional toll placed on modern women, especially mothers. She pointed out that mothers often shoulder the majority of domestic labor, mental load, and child care responsibilities, in addition to working outside the home. Spahr noted that while men may be more involved in domestic responsibilities compared to previous generations, they are not meeting women’s expectations. There is a disconnect between what women expect from their partners and what they are actually receiving, leading to high levels of maternal burnout and anxiety disorders.
Despite some disagreement from viewers, Spahr’s observations were echoed by licensed psychotherapist Renee Zavislak. Zavislak noted that women in their 40s are often emotionally and romantically “finished” with their partners due to the lack of emotional support and understanding. She emphasized that women are asking for emotional literacy and maturity from their partners, rather than just emotional expression. Both Spahr and Zavislak believe that men are still missing the mark in modern relationships and need to step up in terms of emotional compatibility.
Spahr called for more engagement and buy-in from men to prepare boys for emotional work in modern partnerships. She believes that society has not adequately prepared men for the emotional labor required in relationships. Spahr emphasized the importance of men investing in their emotional growth and listening to women’s concerns. Zavislak noted that men often react defensively when confronted with issues of emotional labor, but emphasized the need for them to show up emotionally and be supportive rather than seeking support from women.
Both experts agreed that the solution lies in men stepping up in their relationships and meeting women’s expectations for emotional support and understanding. As more women refuse to settle for emotionally unequal partnerships, the pressure is on men to adapt and develop the necessary emotional skills to maintain successful relationships. Spahr’s video serves as a wake-up call for individuals to examine issues of gender equity and emotional compatibility in their partnerships.
