In her three years as a dating coach, Kelsey Wonderlin has found that a significant number of the 200 people she has counseled prioritize their potential mate’s earning potential. Many of her clients, particularly women in finance, express a desire to find someone who can keep up with their lifestyle. Wonderlin acknowledges that evaluating a person based on their salary may seem shallow, but she believes that how someone spends their money can be indicative of their values. It is important to discuss shared values and beliefs early on in a relationship, but Wonderlin cautions that outright asking about income on a first date is socially unacceptable and may not provide an accurate reflection of a person’s financial habits.
Wonderlin suggests asking more subtle questions to gauge whether your date shares similar financial habits. For example, asking “What do you like to spend your money on?” can provide insight into their priorities and goals. Someone who enjoys traveling may have different spending habits than someone who prefers to purchase the latest gadgets. By asking these questions, you can gain a better understanding of how your date approaches finances and whether your financial habits align.
If you prefer to be more direct about your financial priorities, Wonderlin recommends discussing why it is important to you to date someone with similar saving or spending tendencies. You can express that financial stability is a nonnegotiable for you and share how you like to handle your money. While this level of transparency may not resonate with everyone, the right person will appreciate your honesty and willingness to communicate about important topics such as finances.
It is important to recognize that income is just one aspect of a person’s financial picture and may not necessarily reflect how they relate to money as a whole. Wonderlin emphasizes that differences in values and spending habits around finances can create challenges in a relationship, regardless of income level. Understanding how your date approaches money and discussing your own financial priorities can help determine if your financial goals align and if you are compatible in this aspect of your lives.
Having open and honest conversations about money early on in a relationship can help to avoid potential conflicts down the line. By discussing your financial values and priorities, you can determine if you and your date have compatible approaches to money management. While it may be uncomfortable to broach the topic of finances in the early stages of dating, being upfront about your financial goals can help ensure that you are on the same page and potentially lead to more successful and fulfilling relationships.
