Abstinence as a form of self-care is becoming increasingly popular among women, with some opting for short-term celibacy, or going “boysober,” due to negative experiences with dating apps and men. Many are disillusioned with hookup culture and the disposable nature of relationships facilitated by dating apps, leading them to take a break and focus on personal goals. The backlash against a Bumble ad campaign shaming celibacy reflects the growing trend of women choosing abstinence as a legitimate choice for their well-being.
Dating apps are often blamed for women’s reluctance to date, with many feeling burned out from unsolicited advances, safety concerns, and disillusionment with the gamification of love. Women worry about their safety when meeting men from apps and fear being disrespected or objectified. For some, celibacy is a way to protect themselves and prioritize their own well-being over potentially harmful or disappointing encounters.
Reproductive rights concerns and personal experiences of sexual harm or hookup culture are also driving women to choose celibacy. Some see abstinence as a way to take back power in a world where protections for women are lacking, while others view it as a form of healing and self-protection. Giving up sex can provide clarity and allow women to focus on their personal and professional goals without the distractions of casual relationships or dating apps.
Women like Tameka Bazile and Talia Cadet have experienced the benefits of celibacy firsthand, using the time to reflect, regroup, and prioritize their own happiness. For Cadet, the decision to abstain from sex during the pandemic helped her achieve personal milestones and strengthen her sense of self. Rather than feeling regret, these women have found fulfillment and clarity in their celibate lifestyles, focusing on what truly matters to them.
While celibacy may not be a permanent choice for everyone, it can serve as a valuable tool for women seeking to break free from hookup culture and prioritize their own well-being. Dating coach Ashley Kelsch notes that women are increasingly seeking connection and depth over superficial interactions, indicating a shift towards quality over quantity in their dating lives. Whether choosing celibacy for a season or as a long-term lifestyle, women are reclaiming agency over their bodies and relationships in a world that often diminishes their autonomy and desires.
