When parents are going through a divorce, there are multiple sources of stress to contend with, including financial, logistical, and emotional concerns. In the midst of all this, parents must also carefully consider how their actions and words will impact their children. It is important to allow children to express their thoughts and feelings, but conversations about the divorce can be tricky to navigate. To help parents navigate this difficult terrain, several experts offer examples of what not to say to children during a divorce.
Avoid criticizing the other parent in front of your child, as this can hurt them. Remember that your child is a combination of both parents, so any negative comments about one parent can be taken personally by the child. Refrain from confirming or agreeing with any criticism your child may offer about the other parent. Instead, find a way to respond that is not critical, and try to say nice things about the other parent whenever possible. Remember that you want to model the behavior you hope to see in your children.
Avoid telling your child that you and your ex still love each other, as children may have difficulty understanding different types of love. Instead, explain the situation clearly and reassure them that you both will continue to take care of them together. Be cautious about promising things to your children, such as staying in the family home after the divorce. Make sure to communicate uncertainties and assure your children that you will keep them informed of any changes.
When adjusting to a split custody arrangement, be mindful of how much contact you initiate with your child when they are with the other parent. Avoid being too clingy or overly reassuring, as this can create anxiety for children. Don’t ask your child to share information about the other parent or to keep secrets. Avoid using your child as a go-between for communication, as this can place unnecessary burdens on them.
When it comes to custody disputes, avoid asking your child who they want to live with. Instead, assure them that you will respect their preference. Do not try to spin the divorce as a positive thing or minimize their feelings of sadness or anger. Encourage them to express their emotions and seek comfort from you. It is important for parents to seek therapy during a divorce to have a safe space to express their frustrations and receive guidance on how to communicate difficult topics with their children. Ultimately, it is crucial for parents to prioritize their children’s well-being during a divorce and to handle the situation with sensitivity and care.
