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Strap yourself in!

Barely three months after Sandals Resorts International opened up its nifty new 301-room Caribbean resort on the island of St. Vincent, Mother Nature, shrew that she is, welcomed in category 4 Hurricane Beryl — down from a 5, bless her heart — in late June into early July.

And Beryl lived up to her homonym all too well, barreling over the island and claiming three lives and doing billions of dollars in damages on St. Vincent (overseer of the northern Grenadines nation) along the way.

But this was hardly St. Vincent and the Grenadines’ first rained-out rodeo: It tussled with Janet in the ’50s; Beulah in ’67; Lili in the aughts; and Matthew in 2016, to name a few.

Luckily, the latest in Sandals’ all-inclusive begotten litter (No. 18, if you’re counting), a little wet for wear, escaped with only minor cuts and bruises hiding out in its own private Buccament Bay cove, as it is. “The resort did not close and resumed normal operations the very next day,” reported Shawn DaCosta, chief operations officer at SRI, from the frontline. “We are fortunate that [we] did not sustain any damage with the exception of newly planted trees, and we mark the storm’s passing with a beautifully polished hotel.”

In other words, adults-only Sandals SVG will continue to get rich or dry tryin’ as there could be more stormage on the way (thanks to, you know, obalglay armingway). Here’s how to enjoy the resort safely and soundly between trips to the perma-filled in-room minibar and silent disco parties.

Strokes of luck

When it’s not coming at you at 165 mph, nothing pairs with oxygen quite as nicely as two sides of hydrogen.

This Sandals spot sports no less than five pools — one of which spans 300 feet from the lobby into the multiverse — and that doesn’t even include the biggest one of all, the Caribbean, over which its pricey $3,400/night two-story Vincy bungalows sit proudly stilted and ready for fat cats. Here, the aqua is warm and curative with a capital Sea.

Caught Red handed

Whatever meteorological malfeasance is happening outdoors, you’ll always find safe harbor inside the walls of Sandals’ signature Red Lane Spa. From blooming jasmine and lavender aromatherapy to its new Himalayan salt and heat full-body massage, just close you mind (and mouth, please) and indulge.

Treatments range from $184 an hour to $518 for 90 minutes.

Con artists

Living your best life on St. Vincent is easy as A), stealing a car; B), burning down a gas station; or C), robbing a bank. Your choice! Actually, don’t — even though you’d wind up in one of the world’s friendliest correctional facilities and arguably the second-best places to stay on the island.

The resort’s charitable wing, the Sandals Foundation, has teamed with local NGOs Hand2Earth and Grow In Time’s Vetiver Craft Project to help rehab prisoners (both ex- and current) of H.M. Prisons Kingstown and Belle Isle Correctional Facility through the magic of arts and crafts.

Under the watchful and loving eye of project manager Vonnie Roudette, they weave everything from hats, baskets, bags, rugs, even intricate maquettes, all out of local vetiver (heavy-duty bunchgrass). Check out their wares at the Hand2Earth Vetiver Heritage Centre in Villa at the Orange House in College Gap.

Aestheticism > recidivism, any day (784-434-8300).

Moves like Jagger

The lippy frontman of the Stones does indeed have a compound on the private, mysterious — and nearly named as much — island of Mustique, but he’s hard-passing on unannounced pop-ins.

What is on the outside of those celebrity-caging walls guarded by paramilitary death squads, errrr, well-trained security, however, is the always lively, sail-up beachside Basil’s Bar, open to all the world’s tired, poor and huddled masses like us. It features Taco & Tequila Thursdays, live music, even a blues festival in January. Arrange for a half-day boat voyage to and fro with Sandals’ onsite Islands Routes tour desk.

They don’t serve the 85% ABV Sunset Very Strong Rum onboard going to the swimmer-swarmed saloon, but they sure do ply you with it on the way back (from $300 per person).

Spokes models

The take-a-penny, leave-a-penny approach to life comes in modern velocipedic form here at Sandals. Parked (or strewn) about the resort’s 50 acres are free-to-use bikes like so many Lime scooters in NYC.

Try not to commandeer the ones a newlywed couple rode over to Butch’s chop house for dinner — there’s enough for everyone out there, somewhere (and don’t sleep on the gratis golf cart rides Sandals provides, either; they come in handy when it’s especially hot).

Rooms at Sandals St. Vincent and the Grenadines start from $409, per person, per night.

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