Have you ever unintentionally ghosted a friend, only to realize later that you’ve become an “absent friend”? Being an absent friend means not meeting or interacting with friends regularly, leading to unread messages, unanswered calls, and perpetual excuses. This can leave you feeling guilty for missing out on your friends’ struggles, triumphs, and other meaningful experiences. The inertia of being an absent friend grows over time, making it a sticky problem that needs to be addressed.
To become a more “present friend,” it’s important to find out your socializing limits. Being aware of your capacity to interact and be present as a friend is essential in revitalizing friendships. Setting personal boundaries can help create realistic expectations for social interactions, preventing overextension and burnout. By taking note of your energy levels and setting healthy limits for interactions with friends, you can bridge the gap and reduce the guilt you feel for being absent in your friendships.
Coming clean to your friend about your absence can be a daunting task, but it’s necessary to diminish negative feelings and strengthen trust in the friendship. Being vulnerable, admitting to your social capacity, and expressing healthy boundaries can help your friend understand your perspective and give them the opportunity to reciprocate. By taking ownership and communicating openly with your friend, you can save the friendship from demise and ensure that both parties feel heard and understood.
Scheduling reminders to check in with your friends can help keep them in your “present” and prevent them from being forgotten. Setting up reminders or adding check-ins to your to-do list can make it easier to remember to reach out, even in the midst of a busy schedule. Online interactions through texts or social media can also facilitate keeping ties strong and creating feelings of comfort and confidence. Simply reaching out without overthinking it can hold more power than you think and show your friends that you care and appreciate their presence in your life.
Healing friendships as an absent friend may seem daunting, but it is achievable through open communication and vulnerability. Like any other relationship, it’s important to acknowledge missteps, take ownership, and show a willingness to improve. By being proactive in reaching out to your friends, expressing your social capacity, and setting boundaries, you can turn your absent friendship into a more present and fulfilling one. Take the Authenticity In Relationships Scale to gain clarity on what actions you can take to improve your friendships and strengthen your connections with others.
